I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
