He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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