Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
