I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
