Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
