Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
