Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
