Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
