they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
