Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its liver damage thursday
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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