yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
