what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
