Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
