3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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