I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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