Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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