I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
