I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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