Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
