sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
