i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
