Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hippo gnu deer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
