while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
