i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
