just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
