i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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