She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't turn off my feet"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
