just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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