we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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