Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
another moral hangover. fuck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
