i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
