Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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