what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we're making bets on your personal life
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize