No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
