is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
