My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
