margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
