it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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