(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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