K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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