I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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