omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
