just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
