his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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