Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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