He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
