I haven't been this sober since birth.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
