also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
