you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
