By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
